Put that thing back where it came from or so help me

SO HELP ME SO HELP ME

WIND TURBINES, FUCK YEAH

Me? I'm just gorilla gluing parts back on my car, don't mind me

Do people really get food from dairy queen...??

No officer I'm not drunk I was just dodging a shadow demon

You guys aren't going to believe me, but there's this stuff that just falls from the sky sometimes..

I forgot that my name has a ? in it Why did I do that? I don't remember

I didn't mean to retweet that. No one saw that. Shhh

Sure, you could get mad about driving in traffic... Or you could spend $2 on bubbles and confuse everyone around you instead

You really can't take your health for granted

Just apologize to your woman when you know you messed up. All that manipulative behavior, and getting mad at her for being upset when she has a valid reason, is just weird. People love to say they’re grown until it’s time to take accountability.

$200 for parking is fucking insane. I could buy a whole ass car for $200

My ride is here

I constantly ask myself why do I even try... But I still do

💔

I have decided to just look at every single thing any man ever does as a joke.. for my own sanity

Should I fuck around and have some weird old dude that doesn't pay taxes say I'm a virgin again

No

Idk about y'all, but I still have twitter