Still one of my fave case captions of all time.

My oldest is a freshman in college and she has a math class every day at 8 a.m. I find this absolutely hilarious.

People pay me to hear what I have to say but my kids won’t listen to a fucking thing and I’m not even charging them.

It's ok to believe in life after love. Cher if you agree.

Piano teacher: You’re nailing that piece by Bach. Should we do another Bach piece? 8 year old: Nah, can we do the Simpson’s theme?

Trump and I swore at the exact same time.

Well shit… nobody is getting in this country. Can’t get past Fort McHenry.

OC: Do you intend to respond to my email of January 15, 2025? Me: Upon receipt of your response to my email from 12/4/24. Moral of the story: Fuck off.

Didn’t snow down there when it was called the Gulf of Mexico. Just saying.

Hey America, if you wanted to vote for something orange that actually lowered food prices you should have voted for the Orioles.

So he wants to make tips tax free? Sweet. How are we changing our fee agreements, law folks?

#NewProfilePic

Coffee is going to be expensive, isn’t it?

Trying to convince 8 year old she can do my job. Explained that she just needs to click reply and type “no” then hit send.

Can they meet in hell?

About to have a call about a dispute over a cat. If I make it through this without cracking up or saying something completely inappropriate I deserve a prize.

If JFK Jr was still alive would we have been able to skip all this Trump bullshit?

The 8 year old is really good at black jack and we are now out of marshmallows.

Them: Amend your med mal complaint to make it more definite and certain. Me: No. Them: The judge said to. Me: No he didn't. Them: This will cause wasteful motions practice. Me: You get paid hourly.

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