Tim Onion (@oneunderscore__) 's Twitter Profile
Tim Onion

@oneunderscore__

ceo @theonion

ID: 102594136

calendar_today07-01-2010 06:09:14

66,66K Tweet

422,422K Followers

9,9K Following

Tim Onion (@oneunderscore__) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I'm sure the guy who spent $44 billion to turn this app into a Nazi bot scam farm and created a car with doors that can literally be peeled off like a Fruit Roll Up will do a great job streamlining the VA.

I'm sure the guy who spent $44 billion to turn this app into a Nazi bot scam farm and created a car with doors that can literally be peeled off like a Fruit Roll Up will do a great job streamlining the VA.
George Wallace (@mrgeorgewallace) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Better come clean now before the press runs with this shit. In 1976 I was unknowingly recruited to join the Soviet Union's American Momma Insult Proliferation Program. I was young and stupid. I apologize to all the mommas hurt by AMIPP. I am the victim here and whatnot.

Tim Onion (@oneunderscore__) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Just checked the Taylor Swift subreddit to see how they react to Chiefs games now and each and every one of them sounds like my dad.

Just checked the Taylor Swift subreddit to see how they react to Chiefs games now and each and every one of them sounds like my dad.
Jane Mayer (@janemayernyer) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Project 2025's Kevin Roberts to speak at NY Times’ Climate Week NYC event | Media Matters for America mediamatters.org/project-2025/p…

Ed Zitron (@edzitron) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I also panic a little when I think about this too hard. We are talking $200bn invested in a technology that HAS to make them money, it is their only idea, they have none left, except it's the least profitable enterprise software of all time.

Benzie, the puppies Penn & Teller, and Richard (@rdaily) 's Twitter Profile Photo

People say “well what did people do before vaccines/antibiotics/ pasteurization?” as if that’s an argument for going natural. They died. A lot of people died.

Aaron Reichlin-Melnick (@reichlinmelnick) 's Twitter Profile Photo

The "report" of a person's cat being eaten was from a right-wing account that posted an unrelated story of a mentally-ill American woman hundreds of miles away in a different part of Ohio who was arrested for killing a cat, and who claimed that person was Haitian.

Tim Onion (@oneunderscore__) 's Twitter Profile Photo

"'Fucking kill them all,' Trump would say. 'An eye for an eye.' Other times he’d snap at his staff: 'You just got to kill these people.' Invoking dictatorial regimes that Trump wanted to emulate, he’d add, 'Other countries do it all the time.'" rollingstone.com/politics/polit…

"'Fucking kill them all,' Trump would say. 'An eye for an eye.' Other times he’d snap at his staff: 'You just got to kill these people.'

Invoking dictatorial regimes that Trump wanted to emulate, he’d add, 'Other countries do it all the time.'"

rollingstone.com/politics/polit…