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First First Date Debate 🤝 There is not enough alcohol for this

Things footballs & I have in common: - goal oriented - interesting shape - harder to catch than you think - built to be held tightly in a strong man’s arms - known for consistently going out of bounds

I know I’m fun because when people make plans with me they say “ok but I can’t get too crazy”

More Men Crying in Public 2024 💙

Summoning Beyoncé to the DNC tonight with my prayer candle

My next birthday’s theme will be The SNC (Sara National Convention) where all my friends get on stage & articulate why they love me and why I would make a terrible president

I hope Beyoncé sings 🎶All the single ladies, all the single ladies Now put your cats up!

When Beyoncé doesn’t show up when you want her to, that’s called “just another day”

All the men I dated reading my future memoir

His administration will be great for men and their unproductive wrongs

In a shocking twist, there will be zero fountains at my upcoming wedding but there will be a lovely man to marry

Everybody in the club meet TIPSY

An REI editor reached out and asked if I would write a piece about camping from a cat’s POV and I was like, you’ve got to be kitten me??!!!? But here we are. rei.com/blog/camp/cat-…

“arkelstorp ypperlig bittergurka godmorgan lanskrona” is either a list of things you need at IKEA or a text you sent after a few seltzers. Who’s to say? One of my favorite @newyorkermag pieces from 5 years ago today! newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh…

The craziest thing about The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is that they’re making a lot of these wild decisions SOBER, I’d need at least five martinis to even start where they’re at

Trump doesn’t talk in “mad libs” he talks in mad conservatives

Taylor dropped a few singles tonight: ‘Tis the Damn Election Season Look What Y’all Made Me Do Voter Shit We are Never Ever Going Back Again Karmala

Auntie Hero Death By a Thousand Cats The Smallest (Crowd) Man That Ever Lived

We are never ever ever going back together

ONE MONTH from today, your girl is getting married!!!! I still can’t believe I found such an epic love after losing the greatest one. ❤️ elle.com/life-love/sex-…