I Need To Shoot My Phone

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog Pet store employee: ok are you a guy? Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla Pet store employee: That is fine. Grinch: A green gorilla Employee: Doesn’t matter

Joey’s legacy will be marred by what-ifs but I’m happy he got this one, he deserves it.

If Pavia gets a Heisman the sickos committee and redditors have won

My impression of talking to a zoomer/gen alpha person on Giving Tuesday. Me: It's Giving Tuesday Them: oh totally Me: So who are you donating to? Them: huh? Me: It's Giving Tuesday Them: yeah, today is giving... Tuesday Me: No it's Giving Tuesday Them: yes, it's GIV—

You know who else was a Carpenter who spoke against fascism?

can i get a hell yeah

This may hurt in the short term, but these are small sacrifices to make in order to make the labor market, entertainment, and countless other things far worse for the benefit of about 800 of the most misanthropic and insecure people to ever live

if kenan and kell decide that they both are satisfied............

Everyone rushing to grocery stores in the south are overreacting and panic buying. Not me though. I'm buying a normal amount.

official opinion of the NRA that if you are a gun owner the government gets to shoot you on sight

This guys is a pedophile

Nate Oats should be really embarrassed but I don't know if he's capable of feeling it

.Delaware Blue Coats, you’re next

“Sir, your options are to kill yourself or to try and assemble a super league of nations and leaders who are proud to publicly endorse ritualized child sexual abuse”

honestly one of the most insane things i’ve ever seen. i cannot believe this. i feel insane seeing this and it being real. everything is unreal

yeah my guy rapes children, murders americans, is completely run by israel, tanks the economy, pardons other child rapists, but I'm rocking with him still because for two months 5 years ago I had to prove I wasn't an active disease vector when I went to a kenny chesney concert

So it turns out that the bribe that got Trump to sell the UAE advance artificial intelligence chips is WAY bigger than we knew. It's not just that MGX facilitated a $2b purchase with Trump's stablecoin. The UAE actually bought 49% of his whole fucking crypto company!

This band won a Grammy lmao