look, i like modern architecture as much as the next guy (which is to say: kinda?) but your le corbusier shotgun in a historic new orleans neighborhood looks dumb as hell

when trump’s gone I’m gonna miss wishing he was gone

my submission to the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest every single week: "Red Bull gives you wings"

i listened to a mix cd i made in 2003 and i shit you not it was song for song identical to my spotify top songs in 2020 playlist

don't uncover your nose to spite your face

quid/pro/quo Chris/Cuo/mo coincidence? yes, i would imagine so

“they can put a man on the moon but I can’t moon a man?” - me after being arrested for indecent exposure

baby yoda grows up and asks to start being called “yoder”

can i play cyberpunk 2077 if I haven’t played the other 2076

well i guess "bae of pigs" isn't as cute of a pet name as i thought

can anybody invite me over this easter I don’t want to dye alone

if I worked hard enough to get my doctorate in anything, medical or not, you can be damn sure that I would insist everyone, including my friends and family, call me doctor

for fuck’s sake wisconsin iflscience.com/editors-blog/h…

can we cancel the term cancel culture

boy I can’t wait for people refusing to wear masks to claim that they don’t have to because they got the vaccine

boy if I was rich I’d live it up big time I’d drive a limo around no, I’d be in the front, I don’t know what I’d have in the back, boxes of caviar I guess

samurai movies are basically just westerns they should call them easterns

I mean honestly the only reason I really even want to get married is to say borat voice my wife about my actual wife

♫i'm like a tattoo of a bird/i'll maybe fade away/if i don't, then my home is/going to stay on your shoulder♫

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