Judge bemused by shoplifters choice of stolen food: “Chicken fingers? CHICKEN? FINGERS?” #courttweet 🤔🖐🐔🐣🍽

Judge: “is the victim not a person?” Lawyer: “she’s a police officer, your honour” #courttweet 🤔🗣👮🚔⚖️

Judge: “rule of thumb: stay away from people with ‘EVIL’ tattooed on them” #courttweet 😏👹👌🖋⚖️💡

Judge sentencing offender to home D in Paeroa asks him what he knows about the town. Him: “ummm, L&P?” #courttweet 🤷🥃🍋✈️⚖️

Judge: “where’s your lawyer?” Defendant: “don’t know, sir” J: “what did they look like?” D: “like a person, sir” #courttweet 🤔👀👓🙈⚖️

AVL link: “you are the only participant” Lawyer: “sounds like my marriage” #courttweet 😬👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🔥🍾💎🔪

Lawyer asking for home D because it comes below the two-year “threshpoint” #courttweet 😘👌🗣🕶⚖️

Lawyer asks for client to be brought to court rather than beamed in by AVL. Judge asks why. “I like to feel and see and smell my client, sir” #courttweet 😶🖐👀👃🙉⛷⚖️

Lawyer defending drug dealer addicted to pokies: “I remember when I was 20 and discovered those machines. It was a hell of a problem to sort through” #courttweet 😎🧎🎰💻⏰

Probation discussing black spot in home D address toilet: “how often does someone spend hours and hours in the toilet?” Judge: “I’m not going to comment on that” #courttweet 🤭💩🚽🛁🧻

Judge on recidivist burglar seeking bail: “he’s been to court nearly as many times as me!” #courttweet 🤨😹🔥🍻⚖️

Lawyer’s child runs into background of AVL during hearing. Judge: “was that a brief appearance by junior counsel?” Lawyer: “I’m just happy he was clothed” #courttweet 😊👨‍👦👖👶💻❌

Defendant to judge: “I’m hoping I get bail this week because it’s my birthday on Sunday” #courttweet 😉🤙🍻🥂🎉🎁

Defence lawyer on ‘sick’ client: “[on the phone] it sounded like he was vomiting, while I was trying to eat my breakfast. It’s either an Oscar-winning performance or he’s telling the truth.” #courttweet 🤢🤮☠️☎️🎬

Lawyer asks for court to excuse his client’s absence because “he has diarrhoea” Cheers, mate. #courttweet 🤢💩💧🍛🚽

Nothing says ‘self-represented’ like bringing your important documents to court in a reusable supermarket bag #courttweet 😑☠️👏👀🍿

Judge to defendant on AVL: “can you see and hear me, and do you understand I’m a judge?” D: “you look the part” J: 👀 #courttweet 🥸☠️👏⚖️

Defendant gets praised by the judge for letter from boss saying he “usually turns up on time and has sober habits” #courttweet 🫠👍🍻⏰

Shoplifter: “if you look at my criminal record, I’m not a thief. I’ve just been a dickhead most of my life” #courttweet 🥴🙌🍆⚖️💣📉

Oh daaaaaaaaaamn. Defendant just turned up wearing a bow tie #courttweet 😚🎀🎻🏛🥂