I’m out of coffee. Please send help. Or coffee.

Chilly humidity: Top three worst types of weather.

No, autocorrect. When I typed “cheapest” I did not mean “cheap East.” Calm down.

I wish my dog would learn to sleep late on the weekend. I also wish I would learn to turn off my alarm clock on the weekend.

Ever do a Peloton ride, wash your hair, and miss an important call in the middle of the day, then say, "Sorry, I was in a meeting" when you return? Highly recommend.

Same, but 27 seconds or never.

Wait, so it’s not still the weekend, or it is?

We said WHITE Christmas, not WET Christmas

The only thing about Elf that’s unrealistic is a publishing house being open on Christmas Eve.

Can we still describe things as “so 2020” in 2021? You know, just in case everything isn’t magically better?

Shaved my legs and am now ready for 2021.

When someone gets in the elevator with you, looks at your puppy, and asks if you live in the apartment above them... it’s not great.

When you think you’re really smart for starting your roast chicken at 4:30 so you can have dinner by 6... and then see the recipe you chose cooks for three hours.

Good morning from a woman who not only remembered to defrost her chicken overnight, but who also remembered to put it in a marinade this morning.

Subway report (it’s been a while): Only 10 people in my entire car. Everyone masked, several double masked (🙋🏻‍♀️). One person reading a book, another a newspaper. OK!

Forget Post-its—I wish I had created Command Strips.

This.

The (grown) woman next to me on the subway is watching the original Beauty & the Beast on her phone. I don’t miss commuting, but I do miss finding stuff like this over strangers’ shoulders.

All you need to know is that I made-and drank—my coffee before I fixed my inside-out contact lens.

About to ask my Uber driver for a link to his Spotify playlist—