I just called someone for info and she gave the email address for my contact. She went “Your contact is G____ F____ and his email is ‘g’ as in ‘goodness’… ‘f’ as in ‘funny’…”

Twitter Griddle Nation: what accessories do I need for my new Blackstone?

Felt like starting shit. Posted the flag code on the NextDoor republicans group.

One of these dogs have nasty farts and one of these dogs sleeps on my pillow and the Venn diagram has me worried.

He told me we were driving to Tempe to pick up a part for the project truck. He tricked me in the best way possible! Now to find out what they’re from (the stickers says American Airlines, but I haven’t figured anything out beyond that yet).

Lest you think Dan’s trickery is all sweet and thoughtful, he told me to go have a snack before my facial - “maybe a yogurt?” - and I discovered my silverware had been replaced.

Trying to post pics of my airline seats on Reddit to find out what plane they’re from, but I keep getting rejected for being a “low karma” account. Apparently Dan has a non-low karma account? Who is this guy?

That time Brody thought for sure the hat meant he was zoo staff.

Me as a kid: “I’ll get to do anything I want as an adult!” What I want to do as an adult: Watch 3 more episodes of Schitt’s Creek (a series I’ve watched 4 times) so I can stay up until 8:30 on a Saturday night because I have an elderly dog that gets up at 4:15.

TIL that my husband calls his truck “JuneBug.” 🥹

Paisley has been slipping and unable to sit in the living room so Dan picked a rug. She’s been sitting and laying in here happily all day. Elderly dogs, man.

Please enjoy this photo of me and me with my new puppy.

Things you don’t want to hear the weatherman say re: the heat: “that’s messed up is what it is.”

Dan: “I got my baby a swimming pool.”

My Twitter app icon finally changed. Stupid.

If you just departed PHX for LHR and you think you spotted a lady and her dog waving to you just north of the stadium but you thought “no way,” YES WAY. Sparrow and I hope you have a good time.