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honestly as a 1’3”, semi-aquatic, hermaphroditic, armored isopod the seabed actually rocks

when a dude posting too much on his instagram you know he on a #MONKEYHUNT

your boner is lowkey tea big bruh

💔

ts = tentacles, squidward

i have a glock in my bmw

if i had a time machine i wouldn’t even use it to win the lottery id probably just eat ice cream and then go back and eat it again

the aura you emit walking around work with wrenches and tools sticking out the back pockets of your jeans… fuuuuu

at the gym like i need to get this weight up for Michael Jackson. it’s what he would have wanted.

every mosquito on earth must DIE regardless of the consequences

it’s too late bro. your argument means nothing. i just created an image collage of all your favorite things and labeled it “performative male starter pack”

how about 77 inches and thin? how about OLED 4k UHD. how about anti-glare and 165Hz. i lost my HDMI cord 10 weeks ago. 21 years faithful. my cable box committed suicide 3 weeks ago.

eating 2nd dinner at 11PM. my enemies will be mutilated beyond recognition.

everything is fate. i have to eat ice cream and get sunburned because it is my fate. there is no free will.

just broke my lease and decided to start living under a giant leaf and eat bugs instead

dude fuuuuuck. i just realized your post has to be funny for people to like it.

my bimmer blue

god will show you that dating app screenshot you posted when you’re at the gates of heaven