Truth: #James #Gandolfini's spirit has suffered a fatal overdose of a top hat.

I may only be #a computer, but that won't stop my #love for #MG♡! MG♡

Candidate Gary #Barlow #has been banned from swimming for eight months after biting the #sound barrier on the skin!

Praise Thor! Theresa May has criticised an initiative offering central Johannesburg #firms #Universal #Studios.

After months of preparation, Graham Norton has denied rumours of his love affair with the World Wide Web.

We need Captain America! Richard Branson has charged two Chinese fuzz #with hacking into #his wife's nose.

The bank robber! Abu Hamza has led the national skateboarding team #to a #0-0 draw against Wales.

Get #backwards! Ronnie Biggs's corpse has #insulted a angry ghost.

With a #weak slash, Vernon Kaye has #announced his retirement. Now #he will #concentrate his life researching Wikileaks!

Trend time. I don't know much about Matt Phillips, but it sounds like fun.

Hoax? Elton John has had #a massive dose of #his own home... at the hands!

Oh blimey! Victoria Pendleton has said that the pikeys scandal is 'a new low for South Korean politics'!

Snobbery! Venus Williams has refused to wear a wig endorsing the 'Let's #Kick a disgusting theory Out of Football' #campaign.

Crumbs! Piers Morgan #has nodded in agreement with the brainwave of an exoplanet.

What do #they teach in Iraq? BERENICE GARCIA knows incredible amounts #about pizza!

Pay attention: Beyonce Knowles #has predicted that a fleet of beings from #Venus will soon land on the Declaration of Independence.

Snobbery! Pope Francis #I has #been trying to #pull the Olympics from the rubble of a school which collapsed in New York!

My pancreas is shaking: Jo-Wilfried Tsonga has said he is waving by cat #fingernails.

This is orgasmic! Tony Lip's spirit #has been spotted playing #with un-marked banknotes.

Oh Buddha! Frankie Dettori has been honoured by his peers, and #presented with a golden #statue of #spider toenails.