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entire countries should be able to plead insanity

new job has me working with the types of white women that would 100% shoot that itty bitty titties and a bob video if they thought of it first

Accidentally adding a WSJ reporter to the nudes sharing groupchat

I wanna start an NYC indie mag where every story's like I Went to Basement as a Cultural Anthropologist But Ended Up Getting My Dick Sucked by a Guy and none of the writers get paid and it has a circulation of 50 people total

They’re dragging me back to the bitch realm

kicking meemaw out of the family groupchat out of fear she's a reporter

Just opened my relationship unannounced

Vomited on my chest because I just remembered France exists

white ppl be like “if I was fentanyl where would I be”

Hitting the nae nae while ICE is deporting me

your honor I was bloated

getting coffee with someone is all about not wanting to do it

my chinese pregnancy scare

taking one sip of diet coke and releasing a belch so seismic that it triggers my bosnian war ptsd

they’re exorcising the bosnian out of me

you don't need drugs to get high. all you need is a rectum and a third eye

we're all nepo babies in our own way for example i could easily get involved in the cheese making business in southern Bosnia

Me at the hairdressers: I just want a SpongeBob with no sponge if you know what I’m saying. 😂 yeah a SpongeBob no Sponge 😂 ahh just messing around, a regular bob haircut will do, thanks. $200? Ok awesome.

Melania’s face is posted up in Times Square Mussolini-style

bored af any gay guys out there willing to make an exception?