Life may be tough right now but i haven’t sent an angry paragraph text in longer than i can remember 😌

They’re boyfriend-girlfriend

Clearing my throat loudly so everyone at the party looks at me and then whipping out my zither

there is something lowkey soooo embarrassing about everything i have ever done and will do

All cities are walkable if you’re not a pussy

This is a super clear example of how wearing high-waisted pants is a bad idea if you have a short torso

I turn 29 tomorrow

If you love a woman then you will buy her a dyson airwrap

Why is eating the exact same thing for breakfast every morning so much more enjoyable than eating the exact same thing for dinner every night

He’ll beg for anything in my hands. My son this is peptides

What’s the worst subway station in manhattan?

Brother i almost forgot, hesitation is failure

Oh the bodega man called u boss? Should we throw a party? Should we call shane gillis

I have decided to live to at least 39