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DENVER! MAY 5-7 Comedy Works w Kevin Heffernan Quit slacking and buy tickets you stoners: tinyurl.com/z26zefk

Namaste Motherfuckers................Its your lucky day!

Namaste Cocksuckers.........Its a beautiful day to be Alive.....

Its Friday, polish those shoes and powder your balls......they're not fucking around but neither are you.....

Namaste Cocksuckers.............Its a beautiful Day to be Alive!

Its Monday.....get your shit together......they're not running a charity out there!

The difference between utility and morality is that the former is concerned with right action whereas the latter for right motivation.

Its a beautiful day to be Alive.............the rest is up to you cocksuckers.......

Dear Spray Tanners, Your skin is the color of pumpkin guts, you smell like 5 day old pancakes, & you are fooling no one. Please stop. Thx!

Its a Beautiful day to be Alive........Give it everything you have......

My disposable income and I are enjoying another Happy Not To Be A Fathers Day today.

Namaste Cocksuckers......................Its your Lucky day!

But through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out.....I faced it all and I stood tall...And did it my Way.....Sinatra!

Namaste cocksuckers.......Powder your balls....its going to be a hot one!

Wash your feet and powder your nuts.......Its a beautiful day to be Alive..........

Namaste motherfuckers..... they're not running a charity out there....get ready to take what belongs to you!

Namaste Motherfuckers.............Its a beautiful day to be Alive!

Namaste ball sniffers.......Its a beautiful day to be Alive.....

The internet has turned the world into high school.