Something to think about next time I'm high

Upset and hurt to find out the license plate in front of me didn't say "MADGAY" as I had originally read it.

I get so happy whenever I see videos of Ted Cruz having an awful time.

It’s me, hi. I’m the nominee, it’s me. 😭🙌🏼

I keep getting older and farts stay just as funny.

Two years out, and it's the first time in an interview I've ever mentioned my degree. Stay in school kids.

happy december it’s time to watch the kacey musgraves christmas show every day this month 🎄

I truly cannot get over my dad's response to me asking about my cousin that just had an emergency surgery.

Facebook marketplace deserves to be treated like the gem that it is.

I'd like to know the typical alcohol budget for Netflix dating shows because it has to be astronomical.

when they said “please welcome Cara Delevigne” I said out loud “What, why?” to my TV like the announcer could hear me

If I'm being honest, the most interesting part to me is that a wolverine is a big ol weasel. A member of a family of lil cantankerous guys.

I'm proud to say the Hufflepuff common room in Hogwarts Legacy is what every trendy Tiktok home renovation wishes it was.

That’s my Spider-Man

Every time Kwame is talking about being sprung for Micah this is all I see. #LoveIsBlindS4

I regret to inform you they have euthanized that dog in me

Biden cancels student debt and I gotta keep making these air fryer payments?