When you tell an autistic person that you’d never know they’re autistic, trust they’ve spent a lot of time making sure that’s the case. Not because they’re ashamed but because no one’s paid attention to how much effort they put into belonging in public while suffering in private.

When siblings defend abusive parents by saying they weren't abused, and everyone had the same experience, they're doing this to silence the scapegoat, which is the goal in a toxic family who is about to have their truth told.

When you are uncertain about someone’s intentions towards you, pause. If they push harder, pause longer. If they walk away out of frustration, thank yourself for listening. Listen to your bodies response when a persons presence creates doubt.

Imagine a world where instead of retraumatizing survivors for sharing their story, we gather around them & safely hold space for their pain. Think about the value of someone who needs to be reminded of their innocence & the impact it would have to witness healing together.

When a person starts healing after living in survival mode, they have a deep desire for honesty & authenticity. They’ve had to fight for their ability to think clearly & know who they are. It’s been quite costly. They’re not willing to engage with those who won’t respect that.

Part of the grief in healing is letting go of who you thought you were because it was a hurt version of you whose only goal was survival. It’s not telling them they don’t matter or didn’t get it right. It’s telling them they can rest now because you’re finding your way to peace.

One of the ways an abuser keeps you tangled in their life is by convincing you that your actions have power over their emotions and feelings. The reality is, if you don’t have power over them not hurting you, nothing else matters.

Telling someone they attracted their abuser is a covert way of telling them they are responsible for how they got hurt.

No one will be angrier at your peace then the ones who convinced you that you were the problem in conflict they created.

Your value is not based on how poorly someone has treated you. That is an assessment about their character and behavior. Your value is based on the fact that you are part of humanity, born valuable and worthy of good.

When an abuser sees their victim(s) outgrowing them, they’ll act hurt by that. That is called victim mentality. Meanwhile, they name their actual victim as having a victim mentality. When denial is the cornerstone of your existence, you’ll only make sense to others in denial.

When you start to heal, others will tell you to do things they call healing, but delay it. Things like forgiving & forgetting, being the bigger person, letting go of the past. These aren’t bad things, but they’re dangerous when being used to keep abuse hidden & dysfunction intact

Your sensitivity will only be a problem for those who can’t use it against you.

There is no feeedback for a traumatized person that should start with “You just need to…”

They won’t “Get over it,” until their nervous system regulates it. They can’t “Just move on,” until their body feels safe to. They won’t “Just think positive” until their thoughts have been validated & they find relief. If it’s not trauma informed, it’s not meant to heal trauma.

Instead of beating yourself up for what you put up with to be loved, grieve over what you were taught love is.

When someone shares that they’re estranged from their family, they’re sharing that the life they hoped for no longer exists. They’re telling you about one of the most painful decisions they’ve made. Telling them there’s something they should be doing different is… not…ok.

An enabler gives you advice on how to adapt better to being abused while also defending the abusers point of view. A genuine helper or friend fights for the abuse to end.

This is your gentle reminder to stop sharing stuff that is important to you with people who do not show an interest in your wellbeing.

What hurt you as a child was out of your control. Yet, you chose to heal from it. This is the evidence you need that life will get better. Not because it’s life, but because you’re you and you make brave choices. Peace is coming.