There is no “letting go” of trauma that put an innocent person in survival mode. If anything needs to be let go, it’s the idea that a survivor can simply change their mind about how much they’re hurting or explain it better to get respect. Let that go.

Common responses of cPTSD that are rarely mentioned:

-The desire for time to stop so you can catch your breath.
-The fear that something bad is about to happen when you experience joy.
-The stress that any decision made will have a catastrophic outcome.

Sending much peace…

“Family is everything.”

Except when they show support for your abuser.

Except when they are your abuser.

Except when they say “family is everything” because your truth threatens their denial.

Except when you are hurt and they’re nowhere to be found.

You don’t need someone’s understanding before walking away from their bad behavior.

You’re not responsible for what happened to your parents when they were kids. As an adult, you knowing what they went through can be beneficial for your understanding, but never a reason for them to hurt you. You’re not responsible for the cycle they’re meant to end.

I wish someone would’ve told me a long time ago to stop chasing people who have harmed me, attempting to get them to affirm my pain. All that time and energy could have been spent unlocking the hurt parts of me who needed relief from someone honest. I held the keys all along.

We need to stop the narrative that abusers prey on weak people. Abusers prey on all people. They work to provide a false sense of safety so the other person relaxes & trusts them. They then work to exchange said persons reality for their abuse. Anyone can be vulnerable to that.

What so many need right now is a safe place to fall apart. Not in a tragic way, but like an extended exhale. No advice. No interruptions to their thought process. No list of what’s next to heal. A place where they know they are safely held & that by resting, they will soon rise.

Your parents are responsible for their mood swings, temper tantrums, and manipulative behavior. The youngest part of you who had to navigate this out of their survival needs this reminder. They had no choice. You do. Protect your peace and let your parents own their consequences.

Sending peace to those who invited their loved ones to join them in their healing and were turned away. Your desire was/is pure. Focus on how beautiful it was for you to offer that and keep healing. You’ve done your part.

You can't love someone hard enough to make them love you back. But, you can love yourself so well that others are aware of what you deserve and don't dare show up with less.

I’m sorry if as a kid you had to:

-Comfort your parents when you needed comforting.
-Take care of your siblings because no one else was.
-Normalize trauma in order to survive.
-Keep abuse a secret to protect your family.

May your time be spent on long overdue relief & peace

You will know when it’s time to stop looking back. You will know when you’ve named what needed to be remembered & healed. You may have a hard time moving on, and it’s not because it still hurts, but because you finally found love where it was needed most. Take that love with you.

The bad news: They are not going to walk with you on this next step of your healing.

The good news: The energy spent trying to prove your worth to them, surpasses the grief in clarity, and peace.

People say things like “You need to toughen up” while avoiding their role in traumatizing innocent people who are doing the honest and brave work to heal.

When you grow up having to be dependent on people who keep hurting you, you don’t stop wanting safety, you stop wanting people.

Many children grew up being abused. They could not escape their environments. Those environments made sense to them. They were dependent on them for survival, no matter how dark. We would never say to a child 'Why did you stay?' Therefore, we should not say this to adults either.