Um. Ariana is a fantastic dancer holy hell. #dwts

My toddler hates potatoes, I think she was switched at birth, send help.

Husband and I are embarking on an October horror movie journey: OG vs remakes. This weekend will be The Hills Have Eyes. Currently loving the slow build of the OG. A lot more plot led rather than a gore fest.

Shout out to all neighbors unfortunate enough to live next door to Bluey and somehow have the patience to play along with Bandit's absurd shenanigans when there's spillover into their yards instead of asking wth??

My favorite part of doing comedy is when you have an audience member who's alone, drunk, and loves everyone who gets onstage like she's their comedy mom. "That's a good joke" suddenly means so much more 🤣

Absolutely no one: Baby food companies: you know what would go GREAT together?!

If Garver doesn't have a broken rib, it'll be a miracle. #ALCS

Tonight's #girldinner : half a plate of cold nachos and a fistful of honey nut cheerios.

Every husband on #90DayLastResort : I'm sorry but -- I care about your feelings, but -- You're overreacting! 😑🫠

Ed: you never have my back! Also Ed: how dare you have my back! #90DayLastResort

I don't really have a type, but if in my imaginary dating world outside of my very happy marriage, every man I went out with looked like Ben Marshall from snl, I would not be disappointed.

Some of you never had the fear of God put in you by calling your crush's house phone, and it shows.

Dex was one of my first friends when I moved to LA. He was there for me when I went through a major breakup, and when my dog got hit by a car. I wasn't there for him enough. I can't begin to express my sadness and I don't want to make it about me. Sending love to the Carvey clan.

Dex. His name was Dex. All these posts and headlines just say he was Dana Carvey's son like he wasn't his own person. Say his name. Here, I'll do it for you: " Dex Carvey, comedian, dies at 32. " He deserves to be named and remembered.

Home with a sick 2 year old this week, I'll support you my dude!!

Not to talk S, but the people who literally starved for their art this year prolly deserve it more than a flawless doll... oh, and Barbie.

RIP Norman Lear. Died at 101, after a life of military service, 3 marriages, 6 kids, and an incredible TV production career. I'm really behind... only on my first marriage!

If I click on a website just to browse and then I get an email (after never giving you my email) bugging me to come back and purchase something, I'm never going there again. Don't stalk me after our first date.