made me want to claw my eyes out

Hey Twitter. I've been off the grid for a while. Thanks for not giving up on me.

Remind us Elon, how do you spell your child’s name?

The truth about South Africans is how Derek Watts made sure we knew our weekend was over. Legend, Rest in power! #derekwatts

Last weekend, I was thinking of buying a new Kreepy for our pool but decided to wait for Black Friday. takealot, just like other large companies, take us for a ride on BF. Please don't be irresponsible tomorrow. #takealot #BlackFriday2023

After watching Pete Davidson's Turbo Fonzarelli on Netflix, I realized Pete is like that childhood friend who never grew up, who still lives at home, still hangs out at places frequented by teenagers and still makes the same lame pop-culture jokes.

Capitec: Payment +R2 000 000.00 into SAVINGS ACCOUNT; Ref STAY AWAY FROM OUR SON; Avail R2 000 050.91; 13-April. 🕯🕯🕯🕯

Tina and Bette will find each other in every lifetime

Overcooked or undercooked? No, parasites 🫶🏼

We don't take life seriously

All you people who start driving across the intersection before the robot is even green what do you do with all the time you save?

Freddie Mercury crawled so that Harry Styles could walk and Benson Boone could run 🤌🏻

This is bs because in South Africa you already had to leave the house at that time.

RIP: Crystal-Donna Roberts South African SAFTA winning actor and tv presenter has passed away at the age of 40. Best known for playing Janine in the SABC2 soapie 7de Laan, the actress lost her battle with breast cancer. #RIPCrystalDonnaRoberts

screenshot humor gotta be one of my favorite kinds of humor

Mom’s fear is actually universal 😂😂😂

Why do job applications still need cover letters? Like, do you really need me to write a heartfelt essay on why I want the job? Bro, I like buying things and that requires money - so just hire me already?

Without freedom of speech, we wouldn't know who the idiots are.

DON'T LET THE FACT THAT YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO MEN STOP YOU FROM HATING THEM