Hello, consequences of my own actions. I've been expecting you.

I wanted to tweet that crocs are like reefs with a hoodie on but I didn’t want to tweet about crocs.

i’m always kidding unless you’re down

I’ll tell your granny to fuck off too Idc

I’m still pissed Ben Affleck banged the nanny.

I think about more than I forget

Yelling “perpetrator!” at my toddler for wearing an adidas shirt with nikes. People at the park are confused. #gentrification

The millennial urge to add “lol” at the end of every sentence to pretend we’re not dying inside lol.

Broken black crayons

I get road rage walking behind people

Idk if it is mania or the universe, but my house is clean

I wonder what’s going on in the Bernie Sanders was president timeline 🤔

Just let me do my job bro

I almost tweeted the weirdest shit

Cool red tree bro

THE HANGING CHADS THO

Dewy eyed moon calf tho

More espresso, less depresso