Me: is tired of being built like a sausage Also me: eats pizza and drinks lots of beer and doesn’t go to the gym.

99 years is the amount of prison time a doctor in alabama will receive if they perform an abortion 6 months is the amount of prison time you will receive if you rape an unconscious girl next to a dumpster wake. the fuck. up.

drink plenty of water, eat some fruit, go on a hike, climb a tree, go on a road trip, swim in the ocean, spread kindness, stargaze, soak up the sun, pet a dog, do more things that make your soul happy

Most annoying family in America

I found it 😭😭😭

That time I got arrested for unintentionally shutting down Hollywood while protesting SeaWorld...

Old enough to know my mom was not fucking with this

“She will kill your beta fish and make you eat it”

i’ve been waiting on this couple (94 & 95 yrs old) at the diner for the last 5 years.. yesterday Bob lost his wife of 77 years. today he invited me for cheese, wine & crackers and i think i learned more about love and life today than i have in the past 23 years.

I would be dead. Deceased. Ceased to live.

When she gives you one chore to do and all you hear is “Give me the damn broom. Go sit down” x.com/thehumanxp/sta…

Finally made my appointment to get the whole inside of my arm done. One more appointment and I’ll have my half sleeve done 🙌🏻

I think this every shift

Honestly I can relate. I love this place but at the same time it is unsettling in a weird way

Update: still built like a sausage but going to the gym more