wow, the wedding planner really blows

Lady Gaga: "People should look nice all the time." "Nice" = "If an alien did meth and had a baby with a satellite dish."

I'm officially more comfortable lying to people about having ADD than I am admitting how much coffee I drank today.

"Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" the best line ever on #Glee

E! Online: "Could Charlie Sheen Get Off on a Technicality?" If the mood's right, Charlie could get off on baking soda.

Song of the day: any song off alanis morissette's debut cd. Damn that record brings back memories.

To ANYONE who perpetuates this rumour accusing me of being violently abusive after Lindsay Lohan has denied it: I WILL take legal action.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, John Mayer. Your Playboy interview still managed to put the "lust" in "clusterfuck."