When your conservative pals are outraged that people are hoarding, and claiming the poor/disadvantaged will suffer most.

Anyway. Hi. I haven’t posted on Twitter regularly in four years, but I had to come back to shriek into the void that AMERICA IS A BLEEPED OUT CURSE WORD IN A SNUFF FILM.

I love Katy Perry because before she came along I didn’t even have a song to listen to when I felt like a plastic bag.

Finally, werewolves are being reintroduced to Yellowstone.

I’ve been cursed out, called a kike, and more, but this is still hands down my most hated response to a tweet.

Kitt Fisto definitely ate ass like a starving wolf

Could I trouble you for a glass of fire's bane? Oh I'm sorry, you probably call it water

[trying to make smalltalk with my boss in the elevator] how do you think you’ll die?

Took me ten minutes to realize the construction outside wasn’t my stomach growling.

To keep people on their toes, when offered food at an event, I ask “Are there bees in this?”

(For maximum effect, ask it *while* taking a bite of said food.)

Let's continue eating until a solution presents itself.

I hope Janelle and Tessa never announce they're dating and just keep making more elaborate music videos until they accidentally shoot Jodorosky's Dune

This. This is exactly what the potatoes want.