all I need to get to sleep is some warm milk, some hot sex, and for an ice-cold beat to be playing VERY LOUDLY on a speaker system I've installed underneath my bed for this very purpose!

everybody should please feel welcome to come and entomb themselves at my beloved cryogenic freezing facility: Die Now, Pay Later!

do you ever feel like you wake up and you can't decide whether to freak out or chill out?

back when I was a blues guitarist, they used to call me Doc Watson...but now that I've earned my PhD and opened a chinese welsh restaurant, they're on the whole rather more likely to be calling me Doc "Wok" Dotson!

I want a sinecure.....and a manicure!

I like to start off my day by eating some eggs while listening to music by the greatest composer of all time!

just another day in the life of my beautiful mind!

hello sharks..... today I would like to request a rather large donation for my business BearBNB where your host is a bear and you stay in his lair.

my father in law has informed us that he won't allow the chickens into his home because they "can't not poop."

reminiscing about childhood activities and my love asks me "did you ever used to make witches out of wet brown sugar??"?

hello sharks…i really think that when you have to get an MRI, they should give you a Labubu to keep you company in The Tube. who’s with me?!

do you ever accidentally think of the oompa loompa song and then have oompa loompas in your brain for ages?

those caterpillars that hang down on silken threads from the trees all over the place and make it impossible for me to walk through the quad without freaking out…what’s their angle??

my love has suggested that every spider in the world should collaborate on a podcast.

back when i was a toast-obsessed baseball player, they used to call me the Jammy Dodger…but now that i’m a deceitful improvisational musician, they call me the Dodgy Jammer!!

charli xcx: ouuugghh taylor swift is making me anxious taylor swift : aaauauughh charli xcx is addicted to drugs bladee: I’M CLIMBING A SHORT MOUNTAIN WITH A LONG BEACHER / WE’RE SMOKING ON OPIUM WITH A STRONG CREATURE

back in the days when i used to be a rapid thong-maker, they used to call me “swift tailor.” but now that i might be described as more of a vapid song-maker, they might want to be considering calling me something else!

hello sharks…i am here to request 500,000 dollars for my forthcoming academic article, which launches a crispy and addictively delicious assault on the hegelian notion of beauty as the sensuous appearance of the Idea. who’s with me?!!!

there’s a spouse in my house!!!‼️🚨

back when I was a rotund and perpetually damp noise musician, they used to call me the Squealing Seal. In these contemporary times, however, it’s far more probably you who’s going to be squealing on account of the Ceiling Eel!