Good morning. I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down.

Apparently when your neighbour says "Pop round any time" he doesn't mean 4am in a gimp suit!

I'm never quite sure whether I have a clear conscience or just a short memory...

I've not dressed up as a nun for weeks now. I really must get back into the habit.

Immature = A word boring people use to describe fun people.

I'm in Glasgow! Which is a bit of a surprise as I'm meant to be in Bristol! 😮

It was non uniform day at our local school on Friday day. And the Lollipop lady was run over!

Just replaced the cat litter with 44 packages of pop rocks. And now we wait....

My Wife,says I have no interest in Gardening I Think she forgets who Oils the lawn mower for her, every Sunday before I go out with the Lads.

Where are the people who actually would hurt a fly?

Safari Parks that have Warnings about not feeding the lions..,On the other side the signs warn the lions not to eat the humans!

Do you sometimes wonder if some people take advice from alphabet spaghetti!?

Beggars always seem to have better mobile phones than me!

Always keep your wallet in your front pocket & never your rear pocket,that way you are walking towards money and not away from it ...

If you want to have contact with facebook friends you never here from,announce you are going to spend the next few days deleting and watch!

Cake Mould ? Our local baker supplies it free with his doughnuts!

Growing old is like being penalised for a crime you did not commit!

New Computer Chair so far no sign of any chaffing on me or the chair . But the cat is extremely Dizzy!

I'm in Starbucks, it's full of Teenage Boys, & Brest feeding women … I Think there may be a Link !

I wish I got as excited to see other humans as my dog gets when he sees other dogs.