Delighted to announce this years Christmas joke will be based on rishi sunaks election announcement in the rain. Will it be funny? Put it this way - if you have a ‘dry’ sense of humour you’ll like it 😉 (that’s not the joke btw that’s just a little bit)

alistair green All of us for the next six weeks

Eagerly anticipating the news agents election special

This is like something straight out of the thick of things for heavens sake !

Can’t say too much about this atm but the main fight tonight is NOT fury vs usyk it’s actually the WINNER of that fight fighting someone ELSE straight after. Ans who is that certain someone? Well let’s just say you might recognise him…you’re sure to be ‘hooked’ 🤫 😉 🥊

Just walked on a freshly tarmaced road. Life really doesn’t get any better than this so when it happens you’ve just got to make the most of it. No greater feeling. Blessed 💕

Someone told me a few weeks ago they used this as an audition piece for drama school which was nice. (They also told me they didn’t get in but I can’t be held responsible for that) 🎭

Got a bit depressed earlier so went down the pub and drank a bottle of rosé to myself then came home and ate some noodles. I know people say drinking isn’t the answer but I feel fucking great. Dickheads. 👍

Alistair Green understood the assignment 🔥 #MetGala

Just went to the toilet and my glasses fell in so now I’m cleaning piss off them in the sink. Have a great Sunday 👍

‘I look forward to spending my days in what remains of this green and pleasant land..’ 🪶 🎭

The next person that gets on my nerves I’m going to write a ‘diss track’ about them. Don’t want a diss track written about you? Then don’t get on my flippin wick you big idiot 👊

Hollywood should go back to making more buddy cop films where the title is just their two names like in Tango & Cash. There were loads of others too but I’ve forgotten them now. I want to say turner and hooch but one of them was a dog. Ok cheers everyone have a good night 👍

💕

In less than three minutes he can build a character more toe-curlingly believable than lots of films manage in an hour and a half. Art.