is it okay if i hold you in my heart forever

can i still be new again if i have been used

happy september!! i have not accomplished anything in my life ever. the only way out is through. how do i change everything about my life

whispering “the only way out is through” to myself until i Get it

i’m super low maintenance like all i need is a room with a window and sunlight and im good. and some comfy pjs. and to have my hair played with every day and also maybe some reassurance . and the clonazepam

i’m feeling very bad and anxious and irritable and off today. i think i’m gonna wallow in it until i die

hey how do you live a normal life if your brain keeps trying to kill you

(selfishly) i want to be important to someone

they should invent someone who wants me

and for my next trick i will isolate myself from everyone bc i feel bad and then wonder why i have no one

super fucked up how other ppl inherit fast metabolism or perfect skin from their parents and all i inherited was the “subject to intense bouts of depression” gene

been struggling a lot with my appearance and my body. it doesn’t feel like this cage should be mine i don’t know where to put it i don’t want it i don’t think im allowed to it feels too much too loud not mine not mine don’t want it

the conclusion that maybe i will be like this forever. that what is wrong with me is unfixable i was not meant to live like other people. that there is no cure for me

no one would love me if they really knew me

isolating again. staying at home. doing everything by myself no new notifications becoming more and more reclusive avoiding eye contact when i go out scared to look in the mirror baggy clothes all the time constantly tired

lost my childhood & teens to trauma & mental health issues that i can never seem to Fully heal from…never formed healthy relationships with my parents or other ppl or myself…no best friend no friend group…still relapsing over & over…everybody moved on but im still stuck here

i feel like the only way i deserve to be loved is if i am perfect and beautiful and faultless and every flaw i have and mistake i make means i don’t deserve

feels like everyone has their people and i am that annoying deformed creature in the background ruining everything

ok but fr how do u join a friend group when everyone has been friends for years and all have inside jokes that you’ll never understand. & like every attempt feels like stabbing myself in the gut and asking them to twist it cuz why is it so embarrassing to want to be included