Dad Jokes About Politics What is the National Drink of Venezuela? Maduro Sour

I am Chevy Chase’s publicist

at my gym i tel them this cool fact: tom brady drinks 12 gallons of water a day i do my best to drink 10 gallons of water a day two more gallons and i will have my first super bowl ring

Besides MichaelRapaport, who are your favorite members of Howard Stern’s Wack Pack?

Dude, why would I watch The Rip when I live The Rip every damn day of my life?!

sometimes when i shart on the dance floor at a club it's a dance move to get the party started right other times it's a defensive maneuver to keep the ladies at bay

If Bill Belichick isn’t a 1st Ballot NFL Hall of Famer, then NO ONE SHOULD BE.

If dreams can’t come true on Facebook how do you explain a “Buy 2 Crocs for $50 each” ad dominating my feed for two weeks straight?!

Lots of people think I’m Cupid because I have a heart on. It’s on my arm. I got a Henna heart tattoo. I’m thinking of getting a real one so I’ll have a permanent heart on. If I bump into you, now you know why I have a heart on. #ValentinesMessage #Dating #TrueLove

🏈 Inside the NFL: If I’m Coach Mike Verbal, I’ve gathered my team earlier today and made them watch “80 for Brady” to get them pumped up for the Super Bowl.

Talking with my buddy hoyacosta and we both agreed: Vrabel needs to show his team the highlights of 80 for Brady at halftime if they want to win it all!!! FitzyGFY 🍺 (brew checkmark)

Either team can win it all. Ultimately, it’s going to come down to who has the most points at the end if the game!!

This morning I had a two flusher which means the food at last night’s Super Bowl party did its job. That was Bill Belichick’s mantra: Do. Your. Job! Like it or not, that’s what my bowels did to kick off the day and the work week. #SuperBowlChampion

As an AI filmmaker, I’m disgusted with the hate being directed towards me and my peers in the industry. Maybe if you bottled your anger and spiteful energy towards something productive, you’d have several feature films under your belt like I have. I’m done with the attacks!!

THIS DAY IN SPORTS: When training for the 2006 Winter Olympics, I laid a stink bomb so bad in the 3-man bobsled, it melted the ice and my teammates jumped out mid run, risking life and limb. After 3 days fumigating the bobsled, it was disposed of at a hazardous waste facility.

RIP: this genuine American treasure.

Just to be clear, I am not Jim Carrey’s body double. Please stop with the rumors. Please. I beg of you. It is not me.

Life Hack: If you work in the restaurant industry, get tattoos of dirt all over your hands. This way your boss will constantly have to send you to the bathroom to wash your hands. Easiest way to collect a steady paycheck. Follow me for more career advice.

Time and time again, the greats knew that when you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to possibilities. This is why we should all love AI and the possibilities it brings. The possibilities are limitless. Signed, A Leading AI Filmmaker P.S. Hollywood is cooked

My love language is GIFs My secondary love language is emojis 💣🔐🔥🦆🐐🐱🥶👻🫁👨‍🌾👑