The systematic murder of 11,000,000 people should *never* be used as fodder for a political sound bite. You are a disgrace to American values and basic human decency, Tom Cotton.

You have acknowledged Putin’s attempts at genocide #Ukraine️, President Donald J. Trump. If you believe it, what are we waiting for? This is not the 1930s. We cannot feign ignorance. We cannot wait for direct provocation of the U.S. We must act on behalf of humanity. Now.

⁦Peloton⁩ I’m loving Lanebreak, but you should swap the final two tracks of this one. You simply *cannot* end a ride with “Whiplash.” That song should be all out. “Enter Sandman” winds down nicely, tho. 🤘 members.onepeloton.com/share/workouts…

Over the years, ⁦CARROT⁩ has been over-the-top gross, rude, and crass. This, though, is just flat-out cruel. 😢

I’m so used to being abused by ⁦CARROT⁩ that when she told me this straight up fact, I was waiting for the punchline. (I assumed something about my anus.)

What does this mean for ⁦@Beforeigners⁩? That show just cannot be canceled. It’s too darn good. ⁦HBO Europe⁩, care to comment? variety.com/2022/tv/global…

Once again, ⁦CARROT⁩ cuts to the quick of U.S. current events.

Jamie Raskin is brilliant. Don’t bother trying to come for this guy unless you want to keep being embarrassed like this Chip Roy.

I would elect John Fetterman President based on this tweet alone. Even if this is his only policy, it already makes him more qualified than at least one dude who recently held that office.

First saw sheng wang open for Ali Wong and loved his act. Went to see him at the DC Improv a few months later. Y’all have to watch this! So, so funny!

A savage dose of reality from ⁦Apple News⁩

Having a dog is like having an infant: equal parts joy and worry, plus you’re always thinking about their bowel movements

I am very disappointed, ⁦CARROT⁩. I searched all through my father’s closet, and I couldn’t find any blow up doll amongst the desiccated corpses.

⁦CARROT⁩ channeling everyone’s grandma.

Yet again, ⁦CARROT⁩ accurately predicts my plans for today.

BREAKING NEWS: classified documents found in my laundry hamper.