This is my best friend. Please support his music. I want him to get very rich and famous as soon as possible. (Because the sooner he's rich and famous, the sooner he can give me $1 million for my Twitter handle 😎)

This is the difference of 32 years. 1992-2024

I may be a couple years late to the party but OMG people. This kid is brilliant.

Sometimes people mistake me for an adult because of my age. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Byeeeeeee

The best way to describe my style of hiking/trail running? Frolicking Hobbit. Pure Bliss. No grace. Lots of snack breaks.

☕️ I like my coffee black. 🫖 And my tea in the harbor.

I was just trying to have a nice relaxing evening at home and now I gotta go in my backyard and dig a #^%! grave.

I'm about to be put on some government watchlist for all the grave digging and burial articles and tutorials I've been googling.

"Your thoughts are just a product of your brain. So you are not your thoughts in same way that you are not your farts." - some random dude on the internet

We're probably not gonna talk about why I have coffee in my eyes this morning.

Why is a 'nickname' for a human a shorter version of their real name but a 'nickname' for a dog is not only 12x longer than their real name but also not really related to their real name at all. In other news, this is Dockles Gezus Luizus Christopher McWaggles.

Why did the Uber driver decide to KEEP (STEAL) MY $753.36 Apple delivery order instead of actually delivering it? What say you Uber Support ?

Really really want to work with young creatives

Realtors are just the overconfident b-list beige carpet celebrities of the commissioned sales world.

Feminism is killing our men.

Fingers crossed the world just ends. Soon.

Two breads in the hand are worth more than holding your own bush.

You should have rocks that you love. If you are not collecting rocks that you think are cool by the time you're 30, you're really failing at life and you should reevaluate your entire strategy.