it's 2024, libraries shut down, courts backlogged, bus routes axed, poverty at record highs, your GP is now an app called Blingo Health. You travel to Gaza to feed starving kids and Israel immediately wipes you out with a British bomb that costs as much as a school

Just made myself laugh imagining the resurrection of Jesus as a post-credits scene. Long lingering shot on the boulder. Slow zoom in. It moves an inch. Cut to black. Rage Against The Machine.

Say what you like about Jesus Christ, but it's pretty fucking metal that he quoted System of a Down before he died 🤟🏽

not a great time for jeffreys

This cuts both ways. I’ve taught countless women about the works of Hideo Kojima, and they’ve presumably gone on to impress and delight other men with that knowledge. I’ve never been thanked once.

[PR initiating sex]: is the below of interest?

been meaning to give asthma a go so this is perfect

I love how this dog looks at this egg, like he's learned absolutely nothing.

If I was Jesus I would have simply refused to drag my crucifix up the big hill, like lol what are they gonna do, crucify me

ugh! auuggghhh! ohhggghh

It's official. We're at war with old people. If you see somebody over the age of 35, you must bludgeon them on sight. Bludge, lest they bludge you first!

I've had it up to here with gamers. I'm going to murder every gamer I see with my legs and fists. It ends today.

does anyone else have that one page of a cookbook that looks like a fucking murder scene because you cook it so often, pages all crispy like an 80s jazz mag you found in a bush

Happy birthday women.

Greetings! Would you– [I am hit by a London bus and my disposable vapes spill out like Sonic the Hedgehog rings]

For years I've said 'good morning' to the Google Assistant to trigger a routine to turn on the lights, start the radio, etc. Anyway Google is busily replacing all that with AI.

I can't believe the BBC has BANNED the patriotic anthem 'Rule Britannia' from the proms this year and replaced it with a new song 'Hey Hey Pissland: Here Comes The Country For Racist Idiots', written by ANTIFA.

Just found out that Ekin-Su isn't two people like Mel & Sue.