When did we start measuring things in polar bears? Did I miss a meeting?

I'm doing a free giveaway to celebrate the publication of my latest book! Like and retweet to enter (UK only). Winner announced on Sunday. Link to find out more about the book below. #freebie #giveaway

are men ok i’ve just waited 18 minutes for the toilet and i’m hearing reports from friends that other blokes also take this long?!?! WHY?!

i just think it’s extremely selfish that my partner goes out to earn a living and leaves me to wait til TOMORROW to watch the traitors. proper traitor behaviour that xo

it’s my birthday weekend and one tonsil is like a golf ball why

toddler doesn’t nap - grumpy feral beast from approx 4pm. toddler does nap - hyper feral beast at bedtime. any tips? 😭😂

I need my King and Queen on Race Across the World together I’m so serious #TheTraitors

it’s been a shit year. been BLASTED with illness after illness and a really really bad back with BAAAARE disc bulges 😭 to go from being super flexible to incapable of moving without pain absolutely sucked. BUT LOOK! a week of daily stretches and i’m back on my way 🤌🏻

haven’t even bought a full food shop and I’ve come out of Tesco £83 lighter SIMPLY HOW WHAT WHY.

note to self: do not read in the bath when you are tired bc you will nod off and submerge your book in the water xo

also drove round the large, formidable roundabout that is portwood in stocky today and saw a sign that said ‘say no to net zero’ on it LOOOOOLL ok just FYI not all stopfordians want the planet to burn x

Bloody toilet is clogged again.

this stress scalp eczema is making me sad 😭

booked to go to a toddler session at a new trampoline park (paid £20 plus the fuel to get there) and my son has been up since 4 which means that by the time we go he’s gonna be super grumpy and tired yay xoxoxox

Breathtaking view of the Milky Way from Mars.

this is by far the worst UTI i’ve ever had 🥲 send me good vibes for this new working week plz xoxox

beat the clock u gotta beat the clock 💃🏻

who decided to take an hour of sleep off us on Mother’s Day this year please i would like to put in a formal complaint

It’s March, a new month, which means it’s time for me to give away a class set of novels via my book shop A New Chapter - Children's Bookstore. For a chance to win, simply retweet this lil tweet.

this next round of antibiotics has turned me wee blue and have made me vom in my mouth in the car xoxox