no one talks about how hard it is when your mood is constantly switching between "its okay, i don't care. i'm fine" and "i don't know how much more i can take"

#Kinktober Chapter 2: "Rough Entry - These Doors were made for Banging" 😁 archiveofourown.org/works/71599066…

As I started with the romance stuff again (as always when I feel to fragile to watch what I usually watch 😅), thought I could just as well slip some Tony in as well 🙂 #UpgradedMovie

New rankings just dropped

The universe must have had a great laugh when creating me with all those things I wanna do, love or habits I just can't drop and making me dead afraid of their consequences at the same time...

I ran from shadows, terrified of their weight. But each one whispered: you are the one casting me. #poetry #poem

I just "love" how ppl tell me to just do a few breathing exercises&distract myself when a panic attack strikes. Ppl who say that clearly have never experienced how it feels to watch your whole personality slip through your fingers like water&turn into a monster u can't control...

Oh my God, my panic is momentarily broken & I'm just smiling sooooo hard because Craig Parker comes to Vienna Comic Con too 😯😯😯😯😯😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

😁😁😁

#Kinktober Chapter 3: One Last Taste of Sweet Vanilla 😇 archiveofourown.org/works/71599066…

I wanna find something that anchors me so firmly, grounds me so deeply that it becomes impossible to lose myself again - no matter how strong the storm around me rages...

Just scrolled through my gallery&I cannot believe what a rollercoaster this year has been. Between best & worst. Pain, burnout, sickness, panic relapse. But also 2 amazing conventions & vacation trips & hopefully another 1 ahead in 2025, vacation at the sea, time with lovely ppl

Me, rn 🙄

AND I WANT TO LEAVE THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN DAMMIT

When have you last tried to detox from your phone at least a little bit? How hard was it for you? It is shocking, actually, how addicted we got to this thing *sighs*

NOW, we're really starting into #Kinktober 😇 Chapter 4: "The Doctor Is In – His Speciality: Hands-on, Pants-Off Treatment" 🧑‍⚕️ archiveofourown.org/works/71599066…

😁😁

Dunno if that makes me an antifeminist or just someone who's had the wrong jobs so far, but after watching a couple of romance movies, I can wholeheartedly say I'd never choose the job over a good man 😅

#Kinktober Chapter 5 is up (although, it's really not that kinky 😅 but don't get too used to tame - we're just building up😅): "Glowing Desire - How to Hush a Slayer's Fantasies with Ease" archiveofourown.org/works/71599066…

And so the breaking begins 😪