Having a human butthole is overrated. Sorry, not sorry.

Hell yeah. Don’t look back in sorrow

Say you’re threatened by women having control over their bodies without saying you’re threatened by women having control over their bodies.

Shared a Triple Dipper Chili's Grill & Bar with my son today. I think we’ve become best friends.

The lad spotted the “tractor!” from my Sturgill Simpson Cuttin Grass shirt so naturally we need a nursery rhyme version of Call to Arms

Brb going back to school to get my PhD to learn how to cancel my AppleTV subscription

Sprinting from the haters like

Said baby girl let’s start with the correct spelling of your name

I listen to a couple Reba McEntire murder ballads and suddenly I’m the bad guy?!

That one f’in guy with an avatar of a known spousal abuser logging into work to own us libtords again.

Absolutely thriving

Bay Area Birthday Weekend Commence.

Y’all ever marry your best friend

This is 37. Camo and tie dye.

Hung out with my buddy Brad last night

Even the white dove was celebrating

I bet nobody knows this is who is on the other end of this meeting telling them they don’t qualify because of that background check

He got more play doh neath his pinky nail than all you fake cowboys combined

Keep my time on my rice Ye god damn right I’m cookin