To anyone listening: my girlfriend has started infusion treatment and she is the strongest girl I know. She is kicking its butt and wearing a Captain America shirt while she does it. If anyone has support, a fellow Avenger is in need! Your love gives strength #avengerssupport

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Our country did something great today. But it is the beginning of an even harder battle. No better words were expressed than those of inclusion. Bipartisan animosity has cost this great country too much and I applaud the focus on bringing that feeling to an end. #Americaunited

Lifelong fan of The Rugrats... but the more I re-watch as an adult, the more I realize a good 90-95% of the plots are directly related to absurdly poor parental supervision.

A buddy of mine complimented my calves, and I have to say, that's gonna stick with me for a while

You know, I try to be progressive as much as the next. But I can't help but notice that I've seen Jeff Dunham's "Achmed" for like 15 years now...

I heard somebody tell someone today "you look like you eat dinner in the bathtub!" And I think that is now my go-to insult

Can we please make it a law that in a time of crisis, people can't hoard and sell necessities for profit?? For f*ck sake, it's like a chance to exploit the needy is the new American Dream

(Betting every penny I've ever made on a single bet) "I'm throwing it all on 'Donald Trump has never changed a diaper'..."

Feels like the ultra rich are really wasting an opportunity. Help end world hunger? Eradicate preventable disease? Devote billions to climate preservation to save countless future lives? You’d be the literal next messiah in your own life time… or, you could vacation in space.

Sometimes, when it turns midnight, I yell out, “Happy Birthday!” Because, I don’t know… Someone.

#RickyGervais just finished After Life. Absolutely brilliant. Cheers and thank you for it

In light of today, I wanted to watch a classic movie about women overcoming the nonsense thrown at them. Does anybody know any?

We’re angry, right? It’s not apathy that has become our adjective? We’re getting upset, right?? And should be marching? Can anyone suggest how to find a march and be a part of the resolution?

In America, people will spend more time explaining to you why something is not their job than the time to would take to do said job.

I would really really really really really really like it if we could push anything to make it illegal to advertise mental health medications. Really really

how large are toilet paper rolls going to get before we link hands as a species and say, that's enough...?

I wonder if when the dishwashers I work with get home from a 12 hour shift and their SO is like,"do the dishes!" they have a small breakdown

Can you imagine the equivalent of the dog park in the pokemon world? My God....

Who's pouring the juice in these commercials? It looks like they're holding the carton 6 feet above the glass and just praying for the best.