Committing a hate crime against myself by going into Aritzia knowing full well I can neither afford nor fit in their clothes

The most disturbing part of reaching the point in life where my friends have started having kids is finding out that for some reason all the stores are calling onesies BODYSUITS???

The Annasthesiologist Not sure if it counts but in 2nd grade there was a kid who didn’t want to sit next to me and the teacher said go on, she won’t bite you! So I bit him

With each passing year of my life, my ideal sock length goes up by an inch. One day I will be entirely dressed by one very long sock

Excited to spend my evening coexisting with every 13-17 year old within a 20 mile radius at the Ocean County Mall

I would die for her

Expert show direction and camera cutting delivering some incredible storytelling here lmao

Girl at the hair salon told me Renaissance didn’t really hit for her and then later revealed she’s a die-hard Sw*ft*e. That story again: a New York woman willingly revealed to complete stranger that she has No Taste

Shared a cherry coke with Meredith Pircher and rocked out to Stop Making Sense on the biggest screen in NYC. Movies are good!

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

^^^ ?? No besties I joined Twitter

More than regular movie ticket?? Beyoncé’s Homecoming is playing in the Paris Theater on Monday for $1…

They really said another year older another year closer to death

Me to my high school bowling coach years 2009-2013

You would come to Girls Auto Clinic! We are auto repair catered to women and you get your nails done while you wait! Every customer gets free manicure with service!

One time I was in a bathroom and when I unhooked one side of my overalls, a single Oreo fell out of my front pouch pocket and rolled into the occupied stall next to me

migraine folks when it's 80% humidity with a chance of thunderstorms every day

Things we’ve heard being performed by the hibachi chef on the other side of the restaurant we’re at:

-‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ by John Denver
-‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ by Baha Men
-the words “happy birthday sexy boy” to the tune of Old MacDonald

I love when .Trixie Mattel™ gets spicy and talks about real shit sometimes. Also she is vry beautiful

I had a dream last night with Pat Sajak and then today it was announced that Ryan Seacrest is taking his job so everyone send me the names of your coworkers that you hate and I’ll do my best to get rid of them too

im sorry but this flag goes so hard