haven't listened to chappell roan in three days and i'm feeling like spongebob when he was out of water at sandy's house

who the hell likes peanut coladas ? ?

wasting away again in hamburgeritaville or whatever the hell jimmy buffet said idk man

my wife acknowledged my girlfriend...am i cooked???

if all of my followers venmoed me $1 (@vinniemascio) id have $90 and could quit my job forever

anyone else think drake's new song "They Are Like Us" is really bad??

trump watching the democratic convention like it's a snapchat story of all his friends at a party that he didn't get invited to :(

what's gonna happen when my frontal lobe develops what if i stop being awesome?

eating bagel at work >>> not eating bagel at work

why is my dad singing sabrina carpenter's good graces right now?

pasta with meat sauce Niki kamperides

MR. JONESYCHEV! PICKAXE DOWN THOSE 90'S!

this is ridiculous...springfield isn't even real! that's where homer lives!!!

JD Vance is a swiftie! he just DMd me on twitter and told me...

bro is 715 CHARACTERS OVER THE LIMIT!!!! HOW DID YOU DO THIS DONALD???

sorry donald i have work :(

i'm struggling so hard with DOORS - Roblox Horror Game !! i wish someone could reply to this tweet with some pointers on how to beat the figure!!

me when someone asks who's my favorite impractical joker

nuh-uh!

HOW DO I ALWAYS GET LAST IN DRESS TO IMPRESS??? IT'S IMPRESSIVE HOW BAD I AM