Bulge Thursday, lads? Mainly because I'm bad at alliteration

Flop it out Friday?

Don't mind them, they're just having a Folie A Deux, it'll pass. -The friends of every Twitter couple ever

Kids interrupted us this morning, so I'm going to be in a mood all day now

There, you've all been told!

Shower so hot I lose three layers of skin, then bed

yes.

Best thing they ever did was hide likes. IYKYK

Have you tried not putting people on a pedestal about it

bedtime, you coming?

Sending your TC some love on this National Dogs day 🤭😂

It's already Wednesday and you've not sent me a thirsty message or nude? Diabolical

Apparently, Dwerking is a thing. Get to it, Lads!

Twerking, but with your willy, for those asking 🤣🤣

Cream 🤌🏻 😏

I'd herring your bone. -me, two mins before wondering why the fit assistant at the tile shop has bolted

The hardest part of a calorie deficit diet is having to constantly sneak off for the snacks to not count

Well done on the summer bods, guys. Now you've got two days to get the autumn bulges ready