No one at my nephew’s baptism seems to agree with me that Jesus was the original quirked up white boy

“No WAY I’d let someone slap me in front of Zoe Kravitz” - a Twitter rando so ugly that I don’t even think Zoe Kravitz spectrum of vision would allow her to see you at all

Me at the party I’m currently at

This interview fucks interviewmagazine.com/culture/donald…

I actually like these late night flights

It was only a matter of time before a vaguely well meaning white character in Atlanta was named Miles. Episode SLAPS though

To me Luka Doncic looks like he got passed over for the shift manager position at a Wingstop

This will slap imo

Luka tonight

Has anyone tweeted “I’m at the COVID-19 pandemic, I’m at the monkey pox pandemic, I’m at the combination COVID-19 monkey pox pandemic” if not it’s right there

Obama trying to achieve enlightenment through Scientology: “uhhhh, let me be Clear”

*me squinting at complicated charts and data indicating random Jay Z slander on my timeline has increased tenfold*: “Beyoncé just dropped”

Judge reading tweets in family court as evidence that I’m an unfit parent: “She Tony on my Soprano till she gabagool?”

So let me get this straight. BeReal sends notifications at all times of day and I’ve yet to see any of my friends absolutely punishing their hog?? Seems RealSuspicious to me

Michael Crichton, famed author of Jurassic Park, was 6’9”? That boy was playing with the wrong Raptors

This season of Atlanta is immeasurable

You’re telling me it’s December and there isn’t a single ad for Avatar 2 where the Na’vi are wearing Santa hats with the tagline ‘Feliz Na’vi-dad’? This movie is going to flop

Uh oh first weekend of dry January time for everyone to contemplate their mortality

🥺🥺🥺 trash hive rise up…