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Few things are as refreshing as seeing a weathered old man eating a bright colored ice cream cone.

Ice Skating

Life hack: soak yourself in hot salt water while you're studying so you'll never have to pee during a final

Me: Did dad just add me on snap? Jack-Jack: Nope that's me Me: But I thought I already added you on snap Jack-Jack: You did, but you can delete Jackpreiss70 because Jackpreiss83 is IN TOWN

Dentists give you tough bristled toothbrushes in those goodie bags to destroy your enamel so you have to come back sooner. Stay Woke!

And the lord said unto yeast "Rise my son and you shall be healed"

Fish are wet meaty robots

Must is the greatest prefix ever. It could lead to anything from stang to stache

Little Bear is the greatest, most wholesome, children's cartoon ever produced

I LOVE going to Christmas mass because who knows what'll happen, what if Jesus doesn't get born at the end of the story this year, like, WHAT!?

North America has the best birds. Miss me with those extra ass tropical birds with their arrogant imitations of people and loud vibrant colors. Thinking they're hot as shit... cardinals and robins aren't fake like that.

Dempsey: Jack I like your pajamas Jack-Jack: thanks, they're great for stretching. Me: stretching... in your pajamas? Jack-Jack: yeah, that was I was doing on the stairs bro. Stretching out my loins

A commercial came on the television so I picked up my iphone and immediately opened twitter. I love being a thoughtless, attention despoiled, 21st century zombidiot.

Going to church=Gang Shit

I wish cars had the same rules that ships do. A tried and true driver will go down with his Kia Sorento.

Worried about getting lung cancer from hitting the juul? Here are fun/safe alternatives 1) Just mainline the juice from the pods by injecting it directly into your jugular vein 2) eat a bowl of pods like you would eat cereal

The key to a good funeral is to leave them wanting more

In his first career bout at 149 pounds, JOEY GOULD GETS THE PIN! 💪 #DoMore #rayBucknell

Playa Bowls: For the person who LOVES smoothies, but HATES... the convenience of cups?