It’s annoying when you write someone an actual letter, they don’t bother to reply and then you have to kill the hostage.

To the person who stole my trainers and hi-viz jacket... You can run, but you can't hide.

When I passed my driving test I got two minors but I didn’t hit any adults.

The Easter bunny is coming to get you!

The female version of teabagging is called a flapuccino.

I'd like to take moment to thank our amazing friends, followers & #CultofCornette members, for taking the time RTing our MHA fundraiser helping us reach those who struggle with mental health issues & fellow supporters of #mentalhealthawarness. You DO make difference. THANK YOU💚

I had a light lunch earlier and I’ve still got bits of bulb stuck in my teeth.

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.

Me rushing back from the bathroom at 3 am so I dont lose any tiredness:

My herb dealer says I’m living on borrowed thyme and now he’s threatened to send round the bay leafs.

I left my job in bomb disposal to become a midwife. One time I cut the wrong umbilical cord and the baby exploded.

I went to a firework display in India. It was bang galore!

BREAKING NEWS: A student has stolen the dunce cap from his school. Moron hat story later.

If I was Wayne Rooney I would have named at least one of my children Fabba.

I’ve just finished my premature ejaculators advent calendar.

New Experience! Jim Cornette reviews AEW Dynamite & WWE Smackdown! Plus Jim talks about all the AEW / Meltzer / Punk / Tony / Elite / Moxley drama, Bray Wyatt, attending a live Raw and much more! play.cdnstream1.com/i/kast/jim-cor…

Speed cameras placed along popular mountain road and people aren't happy bit.ly/40ZlX5p

I once dated a one-legged girl who worked in a brewery. She was in charge of the hops. #InternationalBeerDay

Jim Cornette on AEW Dynamite Ratings Jim Cornette youtu.be/vWxgEyYpkYw?si… via YouTube