If this is Robin Hood, I'm poor. 😛

Good Morning Twitter, I just remembered I should get my flu shot this month. Can someone remind me, is this the one that will give me Autism or is it the Bubonic Plague? 🙄

Isn't the Presidential Medal of Freedom supposed to be the highest civilian award given to someone for their exemplary contributions to the United States? Just checking 🤔.

My math isn't working correctly and I'm hangry. So, if you'd like to get your head bitten off, feel free to bother me.

Is this how women celebrate Locktober?

Please like me. I need some support on this. Because of GOP govt cutbacks, my job got reduced, I lost my home, I lost my health (seriously), and I'm about to buy a home that's worth <50% of where I came from. I'm scared shitless but I don't have a lot of options. 😢

OK, I'll ask the obvious question. I love little kitties too. But jeez, what the heck does her home smell like? And that sweater...gross. 😱

Another example of a nerd who hasn't had a date in 15 years...

Why does it take <20 minutes to fill half of the kitchen garbage can immediately after I empty it. 😠

I think the whole of Congress should be locked in a room and forced to stay there until things like this gets resolved. Like the Cardinals have to do to elect a Pope.

Evidently the key to life for both straights who want to procreate and gays is to date a 65 year old man. Is RFK Jr on Tylenol again?

So, what did we learn today. The new U.S. justice system...if you commit a crime, don't sweat it, just kiss the ass of King POTUS and you're in the clear.

Imagine how rich we would be if we didn't have to pay all our insurances (home, mortgage, car, life, health, dental, eye and probably a few others I'm forgetting.)

Hmmm...a body part sticking up and in the way... Guys deal with this all the time.

I think I'm the last human on the planet earth to still have an email account on AOL.

I thought it was physically impossible for a man to have a hairy chest and a hairless ass. Clearly, I should stick to doing math. 🤔

We don't have to worry about POTUS losing his job because of the govt shutdown. He hasn't started working for America yet.

Can someone please tell POTUS he doesn't own the White House. And he doesn't even pay rent for it. He's a guest, and guests don't destroy someone else's home.

Do you think self-centered POTUS has figure out yet that his wife has been MIA for the last 4 months? Seriously, where is she?

The 3 main groups of 18-64 year olds: 1. Those that naturally look good 2. Those that go to the gym 3+ hours every day to look good 3. And the other 99% of society that have to work for a living and do chores. I'm #3.