Sorry but I’ve worked too many bullshit jobs to want to lose one for tweeting, hello Midwest Slop

Ordered a French dip at the brunch place

Okay and what am *I* supposed to do about that?

Deep Impact is on AMC at the gym and people are stopping dead in their tracks to watch the silent tv like a second plane has hit the towers. The communal bond we are sharing watching Téa Leoni get beefed by a tsunami and Elijah Wood speed off on a moped is genuinely touching.

Uber has GOT to chill with these notifications what the fuck

Just logged out of work, time to grab a beer and think about kissing my friends on the mouth

My friends care too much about sports I’ve decided to break up with them and move to the countryside

The emotionally unstable elementary schooler in your class grew up to have the biggest arms in the gym at the cost of having the most eye-watering body odor, it’s a canon event for that brand of dude

Rice Crispy treats from a gas station, you know I’m going hard in the paint

I genuinely wish i cared about anything as much as the person who made this video cares about a cup of coffee

Sus

Another weekend of wanting to kiss my friends on the mouth

Avengers: Endgame for straights

My ears bleed if I don’t have my Walmart fan on a low setting at all times of the day and night