I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet.  So far I’ve got twelve fridges.

I often post jokes but today, I thought I'd do a one liner. __________________________________ Thank you.

I didn't think the game was going to end. What a penalty shoot out! ⚽️ #AUSFRA

I had ghostly visions of yogurts when I opened my fridge last night. Turns out it was just paranormal activia

There are many tough blows and hard knocks in life, many incidents that derail your confidence, but have you ever made someone a cup of tea and they don’t drink it? You go to collect the mug to find they’ve had one sip and left the rest. The crippling self-doubt that ensues.

I hear Neil Diamond has already had 3 of his 5 fruit and veg portions today: Swede, Carrot, Lime...

I was in Tesco this morning and saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I wonder if they were an item

I've got to build a wardrobe out of rolled oats and golden syrup. God, I hate flapjack furniture.

My husband only realised what true happiness was once he married me. By then it was too late.

Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain. This is due to all the indoor fins...

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

Someone just stole my limbo trophy. How could they stoop so low?

I've just got a job making plastic Draculas. There are only two of us on the production line... So I have to make every second Count.

Strange image of the sun above Buckingham Palace today 🤔. Anyone know why it looks like that?

I've just been arguing with a guy who was telling me he was a big pop star in the 80's. I didn't believe him, but he was adamant.

Has anyone at ITVX ever tried to watch anything on their own streaming service? It's the worst. All other streaming services work fine on my devices, but this one is just so clunky whatever I try to watch on. ITVX Help

I ordered a dozen bees, but when they arrived there was thirteen. Guessed it must have been a freebie.

The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no word to describe how angry I am.

I was in a band called The Prevention because we hoped we'd be better than The Cure