one withdraws from fear of rejection; the other sees that as the rejection and pulls away further, and so a lie becomes the truth

can you move from "why" to "when" - from "why is he pulling away" to "when he pulls away, I feel..."

why aren't they, an insecure person, reacting the way I, a secure person, would?

destroy it and they shall leave

sorry, i don't have emotional time to do that

it's not your attention span that stops you reading; it's your emotional control span

embarrassment says that was stupid. shame says that was beneath me. guilt says that I know that will hurt someone else.

are you selecting for Niceness or Goodness? do you keep friends who are less socially adept but are loyal and can hold you emotionally, or do you prioritize politeness over all other traits?

a loved one will sometimes tell me to stop, that I don't need to do That Thing with them. but stopping would mean I never needed to do That Thing, that I could've said no to others too. so sometimes I'll continue to do That Thing, because acknowledging it's a choice is worse.

embarrassment is when you temporarily lower your own status; humiliation is when someone publicly lowers it for you.

when my expectations are hurt, it feels like someone has bailed on a plan - yes, a secret plan that they never agreed to, but that was somehow still binding in my eyes

rejection feels like erasing memories we have not yet made

your emotional inbox won't let you delete unread messages

idk I think there's something here - he's been subtexting me

one mistake is to shift anxiety into judgement, taking "I don't belong here" and adding "because they are my lessers" to lessen your own fear

Vivid Void A profound healing moment is a tax credit: it lets you change your life at a lower cost. After a decade of no-contact, one day in therapy I realised I loved my Dad and that he loved me. That rush of love fuelled me to be brave enough to reach out and to meet him again.

people are less warm when I am masking my emotions, and for a long time I thought I just wasn't masking well enough. but actually, it's the falseness that they dislike; the uncanny valley of a bright tone but panicked eyes.

emotional masking happens when emotional honesty feels unsafe