Liverpool today #LFCMCI

Just had my first “Have a nice Christmas”. Anyone beat that?

If Scott of the Antarctic set a precedent that you were known as where you failed and died then your Grandad would’ve known as Barry of the knocking shop.

Whenever people look at my dick pics they all say the same thing. “Is….is that a Fez?”

Henry Mancini plays the iconic "Pink Panther Theme" in 1983, with Plas Johnson, the original saxophone soloist who recorded the song, and the Terry Gibbs band.

"I'm calling it now, Cedric. It's a nix on the PS5." #Advent

Starmer’s plan for change reads like what I’d expect was the bare minimum you’d expect of any government of any denomination.

Pluralism was the first casualty of social media.

'Snack Bar.' (1944) It has been argued that in painting pub interiors, street corners, beach holidays, fairs and town bands, Herbert Badham has given us an accurate account of the life, fashion, architecture, interiors and social values of Australian society of its time.

When a customer pulls out a massive wad of cash I like to play a little game I call “Builder or drug dealer”.

Alexa, can you tell the boiler that I’m about to have a shower. And if it decides to give me a cold sharp shock halfway thru I’m going to give it the thrashing of its little metal life.

I’d love to be able to say that on the anniversary of his murder that John Lennon’s Message of peace and love was being played out around the world. Sadly I don’t think we’ve ever been further away from it. It is still the only message that makes any sense though. #Lennon

It's just the hardy mushrooms left on here now those of us who thrive on darkness & shit 👍#darkness #shit

“We’re just two guys who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. Never given anything by anyone”.

I bet dogs are really like “god these monkeys are stupid”.

Optimism is seeing a video on the internet of a woman pole dancing in what is clearly her house and thinking it is about sex. Realism is knowing it’s actually about bad DIY.

I think we’ve been had. I think we’re being manipulated. I think social media in its current form is damaging to both us as individuals and society. I think I want to be free for a while.

What do pornhub and Aldi have in common? They both love a 3 bird roast.

Your wife has a tattoo above her vagina that reads (insert joke here).

Worst Manchester Derby ever.