I got my dog one of those balls that he has to play with to get food/treats. He loves playing with it. My floor is now covered in food.

I’ve somehow fallen into “become a christian” and “I’m a real vampire” TikTok on the same day.

Are planned electricity outages actually planned IF THEY DONY TELL YOU!? I’m so glad I turned the dryer on to run for 20 minutes so that I can just rewatch it all tomorrow cuz it’s going to sit wet. So glad I get to rerun my dishwasher.

Time is a dumb concept. I know that it’s March. The end of March. It’s a perfectly reasonable time for teams to be clinching playoff spots. But my brain is also trying to tell me there’s 3 months left of regular seasons and this is nonsense.

You know it’s spring time when the motorcycle classes are out convoying around the neighborhood

This is none of your fucking business

I fucking love sharks

Things I just overheard that I have questions about: “I don’t know who you’re going to give it to. None of our neighbors eat flavored yogurt” How do you know all your neighbors yogurt preferences my dude?

I’m real sad about jimmy buffet

Hey twitter friends Anyone out there want to help me feed my football team? We have 6 pregame meals, and are kind of short some funds. Lots of our kids don't eat full meals during the day, and they need to. I know it's a long shot, but I figured I'd put it out there.

Hello. That’s all. Send tweet.

I put too much cream in my first coffee this morning Thought you ought to know

🙂

💔

I love you Backs. Heck

HECKIN LOVE THIS GUY

DUDES DUDES DUDES LOOK WHAT I GOT! I won Christmas everyone else can go home. Thanks Ron