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#GMB #bbcbreakfast #bbcnews #skynews #r4today Are you utter wankers still going on about migrants? British media. Always ready to willingly push the Tory agenda.

My friend's an electrical contractor. If you plug him in he gets smaller

Hope your morning is going better than mine is. Came up to the caves to do some calming & purifying Yoga but now my nut sack is fucking stuck to the ice and I’ve had to call the fire brigade out ⚡️🦁

Behold the new Bayern Munich anthem - it’s The Scorpions with Rock You Like a Harry Kane music.youtube.com/watch?v=WnJFQE… via YouTube Music

Just reminiscing about the Eastenders episode that Dr Seuss wrote. Grant had a rant, Phil took a pill & Tiffany had an epiphany

After I bleed the radiators I'm going to kick the boiler really hard in the fanny

Need ⚡️🦁

A mixed reaction to the partition I just put up in the lounge. It's really divided the room

I really wish I hadn’t eaten those giant magic mushrooms because now I’m trippin my tits off & I’m surrounded by imaginary robot bears who are all staring at my cock & balls ⚡️🦁

My pastry & accessories shop is groundbreaking in its bilateral retail strategy. It's been described as pie n' earring

Sad to see Daft Punk having to make ends meet like this

I'm all heart me. Which is desperately inconvenient as my ventricles make rubbish legs

This guy who loves to board himself uses a modified frame so that kids who can't normally enjoy skateboarding get a chance to enjoy it for the first time.. 😊 It's the little things that make the difference..

I'm a trained killer who specialises in shooting donkeys from behind. I'm an assassassassin

Was going to have a cheeky bowl of Frosties for lunch but Mer-Man left the packet open and they've all gone FUCKING STALE

I have absolutely no fucking idea why Panthro needs a hair dryer ⚡️🦁

What a bunch of absolute bellends ⚡️🦁

In Glasgow a fluorescent tube is an imbecile you can see in the dark

Anyone else overdo it yesterday? ⚡️🦁