Airbnb It's over. Breaking Bad is one of the all time great shows. At its core, a love story. A love story between a man and his family, a man and Aaron Paul, a man and himself, a man and chemistry but for drugs. Can't wait for my next rewatch. I'm crazy fucking drunk.

There’s another Max Fine in comedy. About two or three times a month, he gets paid for spots that I do. It’s annoying, but he’s always quick to notice and send me a Venmo. Little does he know, this is entirely by design. And that’s how I made someone else pay my taxes.

Back on my night coffee shit. Fuck you. #nightcoffee #nightcoffeelife

Wtf saved my life. Thanks marc maron

lol I cannot believe that a podcast ending has sent me into this kind of an emotional spiral

Sometimes I read the texts I send and think “I would hate being my friend”

Every notable anti-establishment reporter and crank since 2017

Here’s something I wrote youtu.be/qZ7vsRgqw7I?si…

I’m gonna get a scoop of ice cream tonight

Never mind. I bombed and don’t feel like I deserve it. You don’t have discipline like I have discipline.

Me, on Cribs: “What’s up. Welcome to my crib. The only piece of furniture is a cracked coffee table but let me introduce you to my bong, Joon Ho- hey, don’t touch that faucet. The devil lives in there. Alright, let’s check out the masturbatorium”

lol fuck it, I’ll go into real estate

I am so tired of pooping our little pebble sized turds. Give me the big stuff!!!

I know they’re bad for you and I know they had my entire life in a vice grip for almost 20 years but cigarettes fucking rock

Ugh. I hate walking behind someone whose got their swag on

I’m gonna order a pizza and watch Mystery Men tonight if anyone wants to turn up

It's crazy how many Christian comics love being the devil's advocate.

Trying to pull off a neckerchief this summer. Please respect my decision and my privacy at this time