positive that pool table pockets lead to a stomach

the sharks on Shark Tank all passing on a business mid-pitch after noticing that the contestant tracked in so much dog shit

daring the library to tell me I can’t check out the furniture

if you look closely you can see that Yoda has jet black lips with kind of pinkish bumps, like a dog

was always jealous growing up that the girls bathroom had a comfy couch the girls got to shit on

mine got knocked out of the top 4

hit up my little bro if you need your ear pierced! $5 per ear , he just got a legit pierce gun and everything . Way cheaper than youll pay at Claires. his names tim

let me know if anyone wants a TV stand shaped like this for cheeeeeap. i got a guy at Craftsman now/if we order in bulk it brings all the prices down. Let me know before december

Wake up...if Spider-Man hasn't swung from the Freedom Tower in a movie by now...this is Marvel trying to make some sort of statement...

Every morning I memorize one new fact about The Alamo. This way, the likelihood of me being pinned as "The Alamo Jackass" is very low

You've heard of my grade school. We made the news for collecting enough Box Tops that the principal had to shave his eyebrows at an assembly

I put all the bills sent to my house into a shoebox and then I bury the shoebox. I believe this exploits some sort of loophole

Saturday night. Go out, don't go out, whatever. Who cares. There's a bird in my basement and it won't eat the poison I throw at it

good to see

The anniversary reissue of Nirvana's MTV Unplugged has 40 bonus minutes of Kurt Cobain trying to fish two quarters out of his guitar hole

[stands on tiptoes when the landlord is around because I think he wants me to be tall]

Humiliated Man Discovers Embroidery On His Jean Pockets trib.al/7eocsdz

Oof. This situation is just devastating from top to bottom. clckhl.co/vMmajiZ

Devastating: Watch This Guy Realize That When He Overhears People At Work Talking About ‘The Hamburger Dipshit’ They’re Referring To Him

the Terminator travels through time naked because it feels better that way on his ass